I have no one to blame but myself. It started with a treat here and there, justifying my food intake because I was running 30+ miles a week. Slowly my weight crept up but everyone puts on weight when they start running? Don’t they?
In 2016/17, I lost 2 stone and was the lightest I’d been in my adult life. I was happy. Confident. Then I told myself I didn’t need to go to group anymore, I could do this myself at home. I was wrong. That 2 stone weight loss became 1 and a half. Then 1. It settled there and I tried half heartedly to lose it again but never fully committed to any plan.
Running helped me maintain and although I wasn’t happy I wasn’t unhappy either. We moved to Cornwall and the change in lifestyle meant I started comfort eating. My clothes were getting tighter, my face rounder but still I didn’t try and change my bad habits.
Then I broke my ankle. Twice within 9 months and that combined with a new job meant I stopped running. Before I knew it I was back to where I was. Then heavier. When my weight hit an all time high, 23lbs more than my original starting weight, and my health started to suffer I decided enough was enough and signed up to my local slimming club. I’d started running again by this point and found it almost impossible being almost 4st heavier than when I started running in 2017. I was ashamed and unhappy. Had had I let all that hard work go to waste? Why didn’t I do something sooner?
Week one went well with a 4lb loss. I was buzzing. Finally I’d taken control and was going to do something about my weight (again!). Then I got ill. The last thing I wanted to do was eat healthy and I stopped tracking. By some miracle I still lost 2.5lb in my second week. I couldn’t believe it! So close to my first 7lbs in just two weeks. My first goal was in sight …
But obviously I’m an idiot and it all went to pot! A weekend away doing Duke of Edinburgh with work and the diet of a student. I couldn’t stop eating rubbish 😞 in fact I ate so badly I almost ended up in hospital with a gallbladder flare up. You’d have thought this would be a wake up call. Week 3 weigh in and a 1lb gain. I was up to my old tricks … a couple of good weeks and then I’d revert to old habits and undo my good work. What is wrong with me???
I had all the excuses. I’m tired. I don’t feel well. I don’t have time. I deserve a treat. It’s been a busy week. My bad habits continued and at the end of Week 4 I completed a 10 mile race. I hadn’t trained. I weighed far too much. My food intake was rubbish. But I did it. Just!
It hurt so much and I was in tears when I crossed the line. It took me 30 minutes more than my old 10 mile time … but I did it! For the rest of Sunday I ate like a pig. And Monday. I felt awful. Sick. Exhausted. Sore. The drive back to Cornwall was horrible with several stops so I could be sick. My poor body was struggling with what I had put it through.
You’d have thought this would have taught me something, given me a reason to sort myself out once and for all. Tuesday I was back on plan. Boiled eggs for breakfast but we only had white bread. Oh well never mind, it won’t hurt. I planned the weeks meals and went food shopping but felt poorly still so ate 4 pepperami in the car on the way home. Homemade veggie soup for lunch, no bread. I can do this! I finished the bag of wine gums. Then the popcorn. The day was slowly slipping away from me …
Grilled pork steaks, potatoes and a plate full of veg for tea. I was still trying but the damage had been done. I finished my day with 3 glasses of wine and a bag of pretzels. I’m my own worst enemy and the only person I can blame for all this is me.
No Week 4 weigh in as we were away for the race but I now have 5 days to turn it around. 5 days to follow the plan, focus and minimise the damage. I don’t want to be this big. I don’t want to feel poorly due to my size. I need to make the change and move back towards where I want to be.
Follow my journey from overweight, unhappy, unfit mum of 4 to a slimmer, happier, fitter future.